STOOD UP (BUT STILL STANDING)

Sad but true.  Tonight, I join the 20% of 20-something-singles who have been stood up for a date. 

The guy:  An outrageously tall Jewish man from New Jersey.  According to his profile, he works in technology and [ironically] “values personal integrity in a mate.”    

The Jewish Giant seemed very smart and very nice.  We exchanged e-mails for about a week and spoke over the phone once before planning our date.  He was to call after he got out of work this evening at which point, we would meet up for a meal here in Westchester County.  The proposed time was eight o’clock.

Well imagine my shock and dismay when after a late shower, detailed make-up application, skilled blow-out and painfully thoughtful clothing selection, my Jewish Giant had still not phoned. 

Of course, being the lady I am, I certainly was not going to call him.  So here I am, left to sort out my feelings on this odd, odd event. 

This is what I’ve come up with so far:

Was this ideal?  Definitely not.  But I’d be lying if I said I was completely broken up over this. 

Lest you think I’m a callused, unfeeling bitch, allow me to clarify. 

Had this happened in the conventional dating arena, I would probably be a weepy, ice-cream devouring mess.  In my head, I’d likely be in frantic search of my tragic flaw:  “Did I sound too desperate when I agreed to our date?”  “Was he turned off by my last text?” “Did I smell bad when we had coffee last week?” 

As you can see, in the field of rejection analysis---some women are unparalleled in the discipline of self-torture.  But the reality is---whether the ‘stander-upper’ is an ass-hole or simply an absent minded professor…he is probably just not for you. 

It’s as simple and impersonal as that. 

Online, this is a concept more easily grasped.  Tonight I was able to change into my sweat pants, turn on some jazz and revisit the Jewish Giant’s profile.  Sure, we had some things in common, but we hadn’t yet developed any chemistry to latch onto.  Thus---I was able to rationally put this in its proper place.  And my freshly stocked inbox didn’t hurt either (ten new messages… five of them interesting).

As empowering as this might have been, it was simultaneously frightening.  Is this technology allowing us to trade intimacy for indifference?  OR is this just a better way to screen the ‘stander-uppers’ from the studs? 

It’s a question I should probably keep in mind as I continue on this cyber-search for love.

LOVE IS BLIND?

I entered the crowded bar, my eyes anxiously darting from side to side.  I was hoping to see a certain someone; a certain very special someone.  Well actually…I was just hoping to see someone that resembled the picture I’d been flirting with all week.

Yes.  I had agreed to go on the dreaded BLIND DATE.

A first-timer, I wanted to make sure I did this correctly.  Ya know… avoid abduction, rape and/or murder...

We wrote for at least a week, exchanged pictures, and spoke over the phone.  When he seemed normal (and almost exciting) I agreed to a meeting.  I told my roommate where I was going and arranged for a fake emergency call.  I also insisted on going somewhere I’d been before---the kind of place that questions like “Have you seen this girl?” could be intelligently answered by the wait staff.  Finally, I resolved not to drink or discuss where I live.

My boundaries set; I took a deep, relaxing breath.  I could do this…all I had to do was find him.

“You looking for a table, miss?” asked a waiter.

“Oh, um… I don’t know, I’m… meeting someone” I said, still looking around.

“Are you meeting him?” He pointed to a man in a gray sweater, already seated at a window-side table.

“Um… I’m not sure…” I replied… squinting to see if this was in fact my guy.  The waiter just laughed and walked away.

With this awkward exchange behind me, I approached the gray-clad man.  He looked good.  Surprisingly, our date began with a wonderful volley of jokes and small talk.  He seemed very true to all the things in his profile.  I was relieved!  It appeared that not only would I live through this experience, but I might actually meet someone great!!  Why would this guy need online dating?

It was time to take it to the next level.  “Would you excuse me, I’m just going to run to the ladies room.”  AKA, I’m just going to let you see my graceful, confident strut to the ladies room. 

Big mistake…

This boy’s evil twin had obviously tagged in while I was gone.  Upon my return, he told me he could never date a girl who’s smarter than him.  (Thanks buddy.)  He began asking relentless questions about my past relationships and insisted on telling me about his.  He made jokes at my expense.  He argued that housewives don’t deserve alimony.  He admitted that he is actually unemployed and living with his parents.  OMG… Who was this person?!

It was time to end the date.  When we both stood to put our coats on… I towered over him.  PS:  I’m 4’11.  Talk about adding insult to injury. 

After train wrecks like this, I often think:  “Maybe I don’t need to do this anymore.  I could get some cats, take up knitting and live a perfectly content life without this nonsense.  And of course, there’s always lesbianism.” 

But then I take a deep, relaxing breath.  I can do this… all I have to do is find him. 

So here I am, fully out there and blogging about it.  Stay tuned!