It’s been over a month since I’ve written and the explanation is simple: I’m in full-on nesting mode.
All of Bobby’s clothes and linens are washed; the diaper bag is packed and ready; and the nursery is nearly complete. We’ve taken the hospital tour and filled out all of the intake paperwork. We tracked down a breast pump and researched a couple pediatricians.
Yet, the “if my water breaks today” list is still uncomfortably long. Before my feet even hit our bedroom floor, I find myself repeating the unchecked items like a mantra: Ready the vehicles, install the car seats, pack the ‘bug-out-bag,’ freeze some meals, watch the shaken baby video, purchase cradle sheets…etc. Additionally, we’re tying loose ends at work, saving every available penny and trying desperately to keep up with all the other chores.
In the midst of this mania, I’m still a human going through a gigantic transition. There have been emotional highs and lows, physical obstacles and external challenges the likes of which I’ve never personally known.
Truth time: If I stop long enough to think about some of these underlying anxieties, I cry.
Many of these challenges involve other people and are thus unblogable; but happily I do have an alternative outlet: music. Throughout my life, the gift of song has rescued me from many a spiritual valley. Now more than ever, I’m inspired to turn all of my joy and pain into honest lyrics. I’ve been collaborating with a good friend since June and (spoilers, guys) it’s really friggin good. Easily my best work to date. I will be very proud to present it to you all when it’s done.
Until then, the catharsis of creation, the promise of Bobby’s smile and my INCREDIBLE husband have been getting me through.
Of course when all else fails, I can always throw myself into the to-do list.