The other night, I had a dream fit for a Disney film! My vision told the story of a petite, slightly awkward princess living in an enchanted land. Each day, a Wonderful man would stand at the foot of her palace gate and call upon her. He showered her with lovely gifts and charming compliments, until one day the young princess was coaxed from her castle. From that day forward, the two took long walks along the water and talked of beautiful things.
One day, the Wonderful man boldly invited the young princess to his garden.
“It’s beautiful,” he bragged, “a garden fit for a Queen!”
But the shy princess declined, insisting it was much too soon to see his land. The next day the Wonderful man tried again.
“Please princess,” he implored. “The fruit is so beautiful and the flowers, so fragrant. I know you will love it.”
But the princess simply shook her head saying “In time dear sir, in time.”
Upon the Wonderful man’s third invitation, the princess could sense a desperation in his voice. “Please!” he asked again. “You have many royal things to do my beauty, but my heart will soar if only you’d take a peek.” Finally, she agreed.
They walked and walked until they reached his garden wall.
“Close your eyes” whispered the Wonderful man as he led her by the hand.
Ten steps later, he allowed her to view his craftsmanship. She slowly opened her eyes, anticipating a breathtaking site. But much to the princess’ horror, the Wonderful man’s garden was not at all how he described! It was overgrown and unkempt; displeasing to the senses and generally frightening. When he tried to draw her near, the princess simply turned and ran.
***
In a cold sweat, I woke up. What did this dream mean? I immediately scoured the memory of my last date with Mr. Wonderful for clues.
It’s true---our rhythm was different. There was something off, something strange: Redundant conversation, small talk about the weather; and multiple PDA attempts to fill the gaps in conversation. It was odd and slightly discouraging, but I clung to the hope that it was just a fluke. So, chalking it up to nerves, I agreed to a post-dinner stroll.
When the situation still proved to be…hairy…I decided I had to say something.
“You told your mother you met someone special?” I asked, attempting to clarify what I’d just heard.
“Well I have!” he said, smiling.
“Okay… I have to get something off my chest” I began, gazing into his big, worried eyes. “Look, I like you. We have a lot in common and you seem really sweet. The thing is…I’ve been through some change this year, and I really need to trim this back... you know… take things a little slower.”
“Oh.” He replied.
Fully recovered from her coma, Nice Alex arose to whack me repeatedly over the head with a rolled up newspaper. "All this poor boy did was like you and now you’re criticizing his pace?!" She cried. But I could only think of Carrie Bradshaw as she told Aiden (the most perfect man ever written) that he was suffocating her with his eagerness and certainty. Rationally, Aiden was everything Carrie wanted and needed, yet emotionally, she sensed it simply wasn’t right.
Now---it’s easy to rationalize when you have a team of writers sitting around a table, concocting your Mr. Big; but like Carrie, I struggle with the question: How do you know when it’s right? Is commonality and comfort a sign of compatibility, or is it a sign that your counterpart isn’t challenging you enough? Is fear an indication that it’s not working---or is it the past coming to scare you away from something real?
I’ve not yet decided how I’ll handle Mr. Wonderful, as I don't believe he is truly capable of taking a step back at this point... but the question is daunting: Did the petite, awkward princess run because she was afraid of her past---or because she saw too much too soon?
Talk about it. You both need to be totally honest. Period.
ReplyDeleteAlex,
ReplyDeleteTo start off, you're not afraid of your past, but it seems as though Mr. Beautiful is more like Mr. Dreadful. Mr. Beautiful seems to want to explore your 'garden' in order to see more of you. People do have needs, but these needs need to be met with confidence between two people. If Mr. Beautiful did not get the message the first time that you did not want to explore each other's gardens then why would he not stop? Simply put, men who continue to parade themselves as those who want to explore your garden are men who ultimately want nothing but the garden if you understand what I'm saying ;)
In the past, I have told many of my female friends who ask for advice in situations like these that exploring each other's garden has to come naturally and when BOTH people are ready to commit to seeing each other's garden. The gardens of people are very special and unique in their way. Maintenance must be done in order to ensure confidence with two people who decide to see each other's, but the important aspect to grasp here is the importance of seeing each other's garden too soon. Time has a lot to do with it as well.
As a single man, I can attest that I have been through what you have been through and it is horrible to consider the garden and how soon I saw the garden. You mention you ran away, but I sprinted, broke off the connection, and left it mutual.
You definitely saw too much too soon. In my opinion, men should never pressure a woman to see their garden, it's their garden after all. It's a temple. No one just sees each other's garden. It isn't a public garden if you understand what I'm saying. When women believe it is ready is when it should be, not when men believe THEY are ready. After all, if the men ruin your garden, you'll feel deeply hurt and uncertain how to mend the garden.
I do hope you understand my metaphor throughout this comment. You seem like an amazing young woman with outstanding insight as to what you want in a relationship. As a single man, I know where I am and where I want to be in my life. I too am looking for my Queen, but if there is one thing I know for sure in the quest for looking for my Queen is: Time is everything and natural flow is bliss. The more natural the relationship feels, the better the relationship will be. After all, relationships like everything in life begin to die. Eventually there will come a point where certain relationships (such as the one you are in with Mr. Beautiful right now) that run their course because you have two people who clearly want two very different things. Anonymous is incorrect in stating to talk about it. Compromise was already stated in the beginning when you mentioned you didn't want to see his garden. What I'm learning in my own search right now is to not try so hard and to get a grasp of people from the beginning. The first time the person mentions they want to see your garden, 9 out of 10 times they are probably gonna ask again.
Your thoughts on my comment?
You do realize that your date has probably googled you by now and is reading all your blog posts right?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteDon't be a bully and actually reveal yourself if you want to pick a woman. She's trying to be expressive and share the search for love in her own words. Why hate? Seriously, reevaluate yourself. So what men she has dated read this blog. It is one thing if she did not articulate herself with these men about her feelings and write what she wanted. It is quite another if she decides to date these men, never articulate herself with these men about her feelings and write about them. Please be respectful as this is blogging. Blogging is meant to express never oppress. Thank you.
Mr./Miss Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteOnce again, I've been quite candid with this man and I doubt he'd find any of my posts shocking. If *you* happen to be my date, I'd appreciate it if you came out of the shadows and said so. I've got nothing to hide or be ashamed of.
Thank you.
JohnnyMSan---
ReplyDeleteYou deserve a Queen! You are a good man!
I agree :)
ReplyDelete