Wednesday, June 29, 2011


Summer has officially arrived, readers… and nothing rings in the season better than a New England Clambake!  This past weekend my dear friend Karen graciously hosted a smorgasbord of epic proportions.  She and her boyfriend literally prepared 30 pounds of muscles, 20 pounds of potatoes, hamburgers, hotdogs, lobster tails and some side dishes […in case we got puckish.]  For dessert we had cookies and pies of all assortments...  And fret not; we had plenty to wash it down with!

Before the gluttony commenced however, Karen informed me that there was someone I should meet. 

“He’s an AMAZING musician, Al… seriously I think you guys would click.”


“NOT LIKE THAT!” she assured me, “I just think you would make some good music together, that’s all.”

Sure, Sure I thought.  I could feel the cynicism coursing through my veins.  I just wanted to eat and drink and visit with old friends…NOT be bothered with impressing a total stranger. 

Well…that was until I saw him.

Tall, broad and handsome:  in walked Music Man clutching a guitar.

By now I’m sure you’ve realized what a sucker I am for the artistically inclined.  The talent, confidence and subtle [I’m-a-mess-but-don’t-worry-I’ll-just-write-a-song-about-it] mystique seem to draw me in like a masochistic moth to the flame.  All in all however, I was resisting the weakness in my knees.  Sure he was cute and sweet and funny and friendly and we sounded really good together… but c’mon… I wasn’t sold.

“So who’s your favorite singer?” he asked.

“Gotta be Sarah Vaughan” I answered, anticipating the normal I don’t know who that is reaction.

“Oh my God, she’s amazing isn’t she??” he shot back.


Before I knew it, it was 5 AM and we were still talking.  At this point, I was about ready to buy that moth a fire-proof vest and be done with it.  But suddenly, all I could think about was HOW MUCH he reminded me of my most recent ex.

My most recent ex is a talented musician in a newly disbanded group.  It was a big love filled with laughter and compatibility, but we were ultimately doomed by the emotional issues at play.  That double-edged sword of creativity had beheaded us… and for the first time all evening I was able to see the striking parallel.

Of course, you wouldn’t know it by Nice Alex!  She breezed right in and chalked this red flag up to fearful nonsense.  “This man DESERVES a chance” she asserted.  "He's not your ex and he has nothing to do with him."

Am I excited to have met someone with SO much potential?  Of course!  But still, in my gut I wonder “How serious is a red flag?”  


  1. "Well, one look and I yelled timber
    Watch out for flying glass.
    Cause the ceiling fell in and the bottom fell out
    I went into a spin and I started to shout
    I've been hit, This is it, this is it"

  2. Alex,

    It sounds as if you feel you want the very best out of your adventure to find the one. However, you need to realize that there are greater things in this life than freting over someone you met, think is good for you, or not good for you.

    I keep saying it and I'll keep saying it: Life is ______________

    The more thought and energy you put into finding the one, the more you make the whole process cerebral. No one in this life wants a cerebral love life because you begin to overanalyze every single step. As much as people see the aspiration for finding love to be as romantic as possible, it's really impossible to make it so. Please give yourself an opportunity to explore other ways to make yourself a better person and in that process, you WILL find the person right for you. You don't have to worry about whether he's a musician, stock broker, or a career guy who you can't pronounce the title of his career-LOL.

    Let it happen when it's suppose to happen; trust me when I say this. The best and most romantic stories happen out of the blue and last a lifetime. The whole dating process isn't suppose to be various job interview to be able to impress you. That's why men and women end up fighting at some point in their life because they were one way when they meet, they went out a bit, and then break from being the freak person they were.

    This is only my opinion and advice as a friend. You have a very bright future ahead. Don't waste it being cerebral on love.

  3. Anonymous---I don't know who you are... but you obviously know me pretty well! <3


    You and I have discussed what I'm looking for at length---both on and off the blog. I can certainly appreciate my readers' frustrations as I continue on this journey. But for the first time in a long time---I'm beginning to trust myself in this arena. Sure my self-awareness might take some of the fun out of it, but I think it's also helping me to better pick the right men.

    If I were writing a novel, purely for entertainment---I'd leave me as messy and interesting as you'd want me. But this is real life, and I'm a real person who needs certain basic things. I want more than anything to finally blog about that man who sweeps me off my feet. He's out there; and he's NOT perect... but he's perfect for me. And I'm going to find him. I hope you'll be reading long enough to find him with me.

    <3 Alex

  4. Hi Alex,

    I've been reading your blog posts for a while and I have to state this one quote from Henry David Thoreau. He once said:

    "How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live."

    I believe that you're a good-hearted-of-enough person to know who is right and who is wrong. If you don't like someone, be kind, and walk away. If you do like someone, and you feel in your heart that this is true, then embrace it. Life can best be lived when you let yourself go of the ego that is fearful of happiness.

    When you end up finding a Man for you, I don't think that he would appreciate how in every social scenario you end up in, you're talking about it to the rest of the world. Of course you're entitled to you own opinion (as well as myself), but in finding Love, you have to be professional about what should be revealed about your love life so it doesn't reflect badly back on yourself. You could create fictional stories about Love, but have real-life meanings.

    Letting your happiness overcome your fear of knowing who is the person for you will get you what you want.

  5. Hi Anonymous,

    Thank you for the readership! Lucky for me I am both living AND writing :). Trust me when I say I do a lot to take care of these gentleman's feelings and identities. I pick and choose what stories to share based on their sensitivity. I also try not to reveal embarassing or hurtful things.

    I'm not interested in writing fiction, because frankly, my life is already so entertaining :-P. This blog helps me sort THROUGH those fears you caution me about. I don't let them define my actions (as life cannot be lived in fear) I simply consider them as I go. I write for those people who are out there with me... the one's who can say "wow, it's not just me feeling this way." If those people can also laugh along the way... I consider it a victory. Being single is hard and if I have to weather a little criticism to be a voice, that's alright by me.

    Thanks for your insights... hopefully you'll keep on keepin on with me :).

    <3 Alex

  6. Your inner voice speaks outloud in this blog.

    The rest of us keep it to ourselves, wondering if we are alone. I have nothing but respect for you and your words. Keep writing, keep living and thank you for giving my inner voices some sanity.

    This blog is honest and refreshing!

  7. Hi Alex,

    I'll continue to read your blog because I know you're a great person and although we might have our disagreements regarding our opinions, at the end of the day, that's what making blogging great. It's an amazing avenue to be as expressive and thoughtful as possible. Some comments can come off as condescending, but at times we give advice and we do things out of a particular emotion. It's one that I'm working on as I get older in life.

    Keep writing and take comments stated here as genuine suggestions; not condescending orders. It's your life and at the end of the day, this will be your choice :) Write on!

    <3 Johnny

  8. Oh boy do I enjoy reading your blog! It's been a while since your last post so you had me really curious to what your latest romantic encounter has been. :)

    However, aside from living vicariously through your experiences, I can also completely relate a lot of the feelings you experience with each situation. In this latest one, you refer to is as "red flags". They can also be called "warning signs" or signals to "proceed with caution". It all really boils down to female intuition. That gut feeling which may or may not derive from experience, genetics, or sign from God. Point's not something to be ignored, cuz since when has ignoring our feeling made them go away. There is no way of knowing if a "red flag" is there to signal a wet floor or an avalanche zone. Your best bet is to keep looking foward and keep you eyes wide open. You'll be able to stay away from any clear trouble. I think your doing a great job of taking things a step at a time, and that's all you can really do.

    Anyways, thank you for sharing!
    Can't wait for the next post!
    Good Luck! ^^*

  9. Hi Alex,

    You're welcome! What I was saying as regard to your stories was that I believe that choosing to tell them in the first place show a negative light of you. This is because there could men (maybe a Man who is good for you) who bump into this blog and realize that you aren't the kind of Woman he wants to spend the time with if their encounter with you is going to end up on here. It's not just about leaving out "x" information. Because you're looking for Love, it does seem vain to have a platform where you're talking about the various men you've dated in such light. It's like reading comments of someone on a dating site. In sum with this: Potential frogs could leap away just from the blog you have on talking about your dating life.

    When you say, "This blog helps me sort THROUGH those fears you caution me about. I don't let them [define my actions] (as life cannot be lived in fear) I simply consider them as I go," I mean you let your fears "define your actions" through your blog. You meet someone... you spend the time... something happens that you don't like... and the consequences from those actions wear you down to know why you keep falling into the mud pie. By merely writing about them, you have defined the events that have occurred in your life.

    Probably Fiction was the wrong word. You could provide fables of the same things you want to talk about and also provide insight about how you're learning from it as well. You say that you write for "those people who are out there with me." Generally, people gravitate to a great story. For instance, I'm sure there is a Love fable about what just happened to you. Tell that instead of your actual experience so a Man can see how intellectual, emotional, and sensible you can be with your feelings.

    I definitely understand how hard it is in being single. It feels like almost a lifetime since I've had someone, but throughout this time, I've confronted the monster called Fear. Fear was trying to keep me from being happy in trying to find someone for me. The only way I was able to conquer it was through using a technique called Confidence. Not only did it shatter Fear, but it also cleansed me from Insecurity.

    Don't take offense with the things I've said Alex because it's only the Truth that demonstrates honest Caring. I'll continue to keep up with you too because I'm sure you're a pretty good person to know :).

  10. Anonymous---I simply agree to disagree.

  11. Alex---Obviously, I'm stating my own opinion. Maybe one day, you'll see it in my view. One can only hope... especially with Love.

  12. Honest, entertaining blog. Keep it light, keep it fun. When you become serious with someone - keep it quiet.
    The Universe works in a simple way. If you are clear and focused about your intention, the Universe will open a path - it is your decision to follow it or not.