I recently received some hilarious advice from a dear, dear friend:
“Men are like fine wine: They start out as grapes; and it's our job [as women] to stomp them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd have dinner with.”
For every woman who is giggling and nodding her head right now, let's break this down:
Man (Raw vine fruit) + Woman (diligent grape stomper) = Relationship (sophisticated alcoholic beverage).
Now, the desire to refine, elevate and motivate a man feels very [natural, nurturing, maternal, feminine… in short] right. But does this equation really add up? And if so, are some men simply “unstompable?”
Following your advice readers, I did decide to give Barista Boy a chance. Through a few short conversations I learned that his true passion is graphic design. As it turns out he works free-lance doing projects for local businesses while barista-ing on the side for some extra cash.
“Once I have enough saved up” he said “I’m goin’ back to school so I can really do it full time… By the way, here’s your latte.”
Okay, okay… so maybe there is something deeper beneath the green apron. But before you toast romantic optimism [Seymour!], keep reading…
We arranged to meet for a late Friday night drink. As planned, I called him to confirm the details once my dinner let out. But shortly after sending me to voicemail, Barista Boy informed me (via text) that he was in Connecticut. Why? Because that’s where “his ride” wanted to go.
Nice Alex: “Oh, huh… that’s happened to me. I mean… not since high-school, but I can see it.”
Cynical Alex: “I’m sorry---does your friend have a gun to your head? WTF?”
My actual reply: “No biggie, it’s getting late anyway. I’m sure we’ll talk soon.”
I suppose he took that literally, because the following Monday…
Thirteen text messages?!
“When R U coming to get coffee?”
“I reallu wanted to do something with you, I just have dumb friends.”
“R U mad @ me?”
“Come in to Starbux… im hear rite now”
“U can call me if u want”
Etc, etc, etc.
Is it possible that this wayward grape has the potential to become a liquid delicacy? Sure, it’s possible… but I fear that (much like the coffee he prepares) Barista Boy may need to be ground, not stomped.
On the other side of the coin---I’ve been conversing with a 25-year-old investment banker from New Jersey. He has a full-time job and is also up-starting his own business. He was a runner in college and is now training for his third marathon. He loves old music, plays jazz guitar, and isn’t too rough on the eyes either.
This is the closest I’ve come to butterflies, readers! Assuming he shows up for our date and is everything he says he is---this could actually be quite promising.
-BUT- if a man is already wine---does this upset the equation? Must I be able to refine, elevate and motivate a man for the relationship to work? Or is it possible for two people to just fit effortlessly?