Wednesday, March 16, 2011


If at first you don’t succeed---try not to binge drink. 

…I think that’s how it goes.

In any event, I seem to be sticking to this adage relatively well.  Though romance has thrown me a few curve balls [i.e. a Napoleonic blind date, a retired runner and an irrational fear of Starbucks], I’m still out there kissing frogs, readers.  I may be tiny, but my resilience stands tall!

I must admit, however, that I sometimes find myself blindsided by the unmistakable pangs of SGG. 

SGG (or Single Girl’s Guilt) refers to the feeling of shame a [non-bitchy] woman will experience after rejecting a man who’s competing for her affection.  She may also suffer a similar remorse when talking to multiple men at once, secretly hating her married friends, and/or thinking about sex.

Take Saturday night for example.  Even at the peak of my Marathon Man certainty, I still felt terrible when I received his “Good Night” text.  Suddenly, my brain rewound the memory of the night; calculating the amount of money that evening must cost this boy.  Our itinerary had to have set him back at least three digits, and he was still ready for more.

But despite the fact that we were in the preliminary dating round, he made the decision to plan an extravagant outing.  As evidenced by my last post, I had plenty of reasons to doubt our compatibility.  So the question remains---why do I feel bad?

Society seems to have set up certain dating rules for men and women. 

First date:  ‘drink.’  This is strategically designed by men to be laid back, casual, but most of all---cheap.  This way if there’s no spark, he’s only out the ten bucks it cost to purchase your fruity feminine libation. 

Second date:  ‘dinner/kiss.’  Congrats ladies, if you’ve made it this far, it means the man is willing to feed you; always a good sign.  But be careful---if you haven’t locked lips yet, he’s hoping your full tummy will render you smitten enough to throw him a bone.

Third date:  ‘Plans and…’ Someone somewhere designated this the date to cut loose.  Though three dates isn’t enough for me, it’s fairly well known by men and women alike that the third date is supposed to be somewhat intimate.  Date suggestions will often be ambiguous and open-ended.  Maybe he’ll want to cook for you and watch a movie… so long as it’s in close proximity to a bed.

So if a man deviates from the rules and pulls out all the stops on date one, it seems natural to suspect an ulterior motive.   Is it because he’s expecting more?  Is it because he really likes you?  Is it because he’s showing off?  Or is this all in our heads?  Maybe our own unfamiliarity with the process of courtship makes everything thoughtful seem difficult to believe.  But whatever it is, premature extravagance increases the guilt factor when the chemistry isn’t there.

SGG aside---it’s time to get back in the saddle and line up some more dates.  Don’t give up on me readers!


  1. How is it that I find myself anticipating these little stories of yours. Comment time:

    1. Maybe you feel bad (referring to the Marathon Man) because even with all of his efforts, logically you should be Swept (off of your feet) but because you weren't, maybe your blaming yourself for the lack of attraction that you THINK you should feel, even though you really have no control over. Attraction isn't logical.

    2. First date "Drink": Yes, it's cheaper. Gives both parties a chance to relax. And also, (guy readers will hate me for giving up our secret) a drunk/tipsy girl is more open to give "affection". Sadly, some guys rely (heavily) upon alcohol as a wingman. Others rely on charm, wit, humor and charisma :)

    As for the man pulling out all the our defense, it's up to us to impress you so that you'd WANT to choose us. And we just like to have a plan in case things go wrong. The problem I find with women is that you anticipate an ulterior motive from a nice gesture even when there is no motive. SOMETIMES we are genuinely nice.

    Just know are visual, women are emotional.
    Men look at women in this order- face, boobs, butt, face.
    Men will always want, anticipate, and be ready for sex. It's not our fault, we're just hardwired that way.
    These are all primal instincts though.

    It defines are species, but not our psyche. If he's at least trying to impress you, you must be worth something right?

    This is just 1 man's opinion, maybe a bit too analytical in which I apologize. In my defense, I had a lot of sugar today :)

  2. Hi Alex, I'm going to follow this with interest, as someone who tried - but has since pretty much given up on - online dating.
    (Although I live in hope).
    There is an old post about some of my experiences on my blog, but it might just put you off.