If at first you don’t succeed---try not to binge drink.
…I think that’s how it goes.
In any event, I seem to be sticking to this adage relatively well. Though romance has thrown me a few curve balls [i.e. a Napoleonic blind date, a retired runner and an irrational fear of Starbucks], I’m still out there kissing frogs, readers. I may be tiny, but my resilience stands tall!
I must admit, however, that I sometimes find myself blindsided by the unmistakable pangs of SGG.
SGG (or Single Girl’s Guilt) refers to the feeling of shame a [non-bitchy] woman will experience after rejecting a man who’s competing for her affection. She may also suffer a similar remorse when talking to multiple men at once, secretly hating her married friends, and/or thinking about sex.
Take Saturday night for example. Even at the peak of my Marathon Man certainty, I still felt terrible when I received his “Good Night” text. Suddenly, my brain rewound the memory of the night; calculating the amount of money that evening must cost this boy. Our itinerary had to have set him back at least three digits, and he was still ready for more.
But despite the fact that we were in the preliminary dating round, he made the decision to plan an extravagant outing. As evidenced by my last post, I had plenty of reasons to doubt our compatibility. So the question remains---why do I feel bad?
Society seems to have set up certain dating rules for men and women.
First date: ‘drink.’ This is strategically designed by men to be laid back, casual, but most of all---cheap. This way if there’s no spark, he’s only out the ten bucks it cost to purchase your fruity feminine libation.
Second date: ‘dinner/kiss.’ Congrats ladies, if you’ve made it this far, it means the man is willing to feed you; always a good sign. But be careful---if you haven’t locked lips yet, he’s hoping your full tummy will render you smitten enough to throw him a bone.
Third date: ‘Plans and…’ Someone somewhere designated this the date to cut loose. Though three dates isn’t enough for me, it’s fairly well known by men and women alike that the third date is supposed to be somewhat intimate. Date suggestions will often be ambiguous and open-ended. Maybe he’ll want to cook for you and watch a movie… so long as it’s in close proximity to a bed.
So if a man deviates from the rules and pulls out all the stops on date one, it seems natural to suspect an ulterior motive. Is it because he’s expecting more? Is it because he really likes you? Is it because he’s showing off? Or is this all in our heads? Maybe our own unfamiliarity with the process of courtship makes everything thoughtful seem difficult to believe. But whatever it is, premature extravagance increases the guilt factor when the chemistry isn’t there.
SGG aside---it’s time to get back in the saddle and line up some more dates. Don’t give up on me readers!