Thursday, February 24, 2011


My decisive online persona gave way this afternoon when I stopped into my local Starbucks. 

Amazing---I’m able to handle Giant’s rejection so rationally; yet when forced to pick one caffeinated beverage [in an alternate yuppie language] I fall to pieces.  Tall, grande, vente?  Skim, soy, whole?  Oh and to whip or not to whip?  Too many questions! 

Why [when I could just go to Dunkin’] do I put myself through such an anxiety-ridden ritual?  Four words:  My. Cute.  Barista. Boy.

I know what you’re thinking---and you’re right.  It’s shameless.

The truth is most women have some version of this creature in their lives.  Whether he runs your office deli, tends bar at your local watering hole, or pumps gas at that station down the street---he works in service, flatters you needlessly and gives you outrageous discounts---just for being you. 

“One tall, white chocolate mocha?” he asks with an omnipotent smile.
“With whip” I reply, relieved that he knows enough to suggest my default drink.

We exchange pleasantries, he charges me $1.50 and I’m on my way. 

Well---that’s how it usually goes.  However, today My Cute Barista Boy had other plans.  Today my sugary goodness would only cost me...

“My number?”
“Yeah!  I’d love to take you out sometime.”

I couldn’t believe it!  Up until this moment, I figured My Cute Barista Boy was generous to every attractive coffee drinker who didn’t verbally abuse him.  It never occurred to me that he had a genuine interest in taking me out.

“Umm, well…”

I had to gather my thoughts.  I mean, what did I really know about My Cute Barista Boy?  He’s 25 and working at Starbucks.  No college degree.  He wears an earring.  He just broke up with someone.  Online this would be an open and shut case.  But in person…

“Sure, my number is…”

What am I doing?  This is insane!  Stop, Nice Alex, Stop!  You do not date your cute barista boy.  You blush modestly as he pretends to slide your credit card through the machine! 

But it was too late.  My Cute Barista Boy had my digits.  All ten of them.

“Aight!  I’ll text you this weekend.”

Curse you, Nice Alex.  Curse you.   


  1. Can't wait to hear what you do with the whip.

  2. You really should give him a chance. Just because he doesn't have a college degree shouldn't make him an open/shut case. There are plenty of lying, cheating, sexist assholes running around with degrees, some with doctorates.

    What's the worse that can happen? If anything you go on a date, it doesn't work, we get to hear about it. :)

  3. I agree with Suddenly Seymour! Everyone has their reasons for doing certain things. Don't just close the case, for all you know he could be the one. Get to know him first, and if he lets you down then you can slam the door on his barista ass!

  4. I agree with everyone else. Give him a chance, he could be a lovely guy and at least he has a job, he could be lazy and jobless. :)

  5. Suddenly Seymour has a good point, Ali. Try not to be too quick to judge the situation. Let's face it, that was pretty cute and romantic. It made me sigh. :> And speaking as a former Barista turned psychologist, I can tell you that it was a tough job. So cut him some slack. Love you!

  6. ooohhh this blog sounds like fun :D

  7. Let us know how it goes with 'Barista Man' :)