Monday, February 7, 2011


After a lovely Larchmont dinner, my good friend Keith and I went to a local dive for the Super Bowl.  Keith begrudgingly supported the Steelers while I picked Green Bay as my top team.  Why?  Because of their green uniforms.

Let’s face it; we were both there for the booze and free microwavable appetizers. 

Agreeing to buy the first round, I made my way over to the bar.  Among the tall, sports-mad, screaming men, catching the tender’s attention proved to be difficult.  I was stretching and straining and leaning and signaling when a familiar “Hello” suddenly broke my concentration.  I turned to see none other than Pit-bull boy. 

Oh Pit-bull boy:  My hunky, muscular, dog-loving next door neighbor, with whom I had shared several dates, two drinks and a goodnight kiss.  Pit-bull boy, who stopped calling me abruptly; and who had soon after been seen parading some other woman around town.  Right, Pit-bull boy…
                “Oh, hi.”
                “What would you like?” he asked.
                “Oh, um… one vodka cranberry and a Jameson” I replied.  He smoothly relayed the order to the bartender and slid a $20 forward for the service.
                “Oh no,” I said “You don’t have to…”
                “I know I don’t have to” he said with a smile.

We hadn’t had any real communication in two months, and now he was purchasing my friend and me libations?  Maybe I was overreacting.  Maybe he was just being cordial.  But then without provocation, he had a steady stream of refills flowing to our table all night long. 

Was he trying to one-up the guy I came with?  Was he trying to get me drunk for a late-night rendezvous?  What kind of a game was this?!  All at once, I felt demeaned, and flattered, and confused and intrigued.   

And then, it occurred to me---men like this are exactly what make online dating so appealing.  These men [with their baggage and their game playing and their intoxicating brain twisters] all together scream “solve me, Alex!  Fix me!”  In person, I’m powerless to resist a hot, game-playing mess.  But online?  Online, I can read between the lines, click delete and move on to the next message.  For example:

“I studied writing and game-design in college and grad school, which is a very roundabout way of saying that I've been unemployed for the past three years.”

Well, I've tried like hell to put my best foot forward in all my past messages on this site, and that's never worked out. So right now I figure, why not put the worst foot forward, instead?”

“omg.. they got your pic right next to this amazing looking chocolate muffin and all l can think abot is how yummy you look! ur killing me, lets just go out!  Youre spending tonight with me.”
---Delete.  And Ew.

You see?  Online, I’m decisive, self-aware and brutally honest.  In person?  In person I’m nice Alex; sweet Alex; “everybody deserves a chance” Alex.

Well---not today, Pit-bull boy!  You can take your big game and feed it to that mutt-a-yours.  I’m taking my mental cursor, and simply clicking DELETE.


  1. Keep dating! Your experiences are so hilarious! Love it! :)

  2. I don't know what kind of online sites you've tried or are trying. It would be appropriate to listen them so others are aware.

    Also, presentation goes a long way online. The photos you put up and how you describe yourself could be looked into.

    In addition, what a way to blast someone who you know online like this. This isn't the movie "The Social Network." If you don't like someone, be proactive enough to tell them that and stop the negative vibe that goes into your mind on how basically there are so many creepy guys online that it's beyond words to describe. It could be the same for women when it comes to guys.

    If you want to find love, you can still try the online thing. Just be more positive about it. A guy sends you a message like that, then simply delete it. Posting here like it's something new isn't the way to go because it's irrelevant to what will happen when trying to date online.

    I'm sure you're a beautiful person (inside and out). However, the only honest way any guy (online or in person) is going to like you for who you are is by being more positive and accepting. Looks are a fade with love. Try going for the man that is good for you. If your friends judge who you're with, then don't let them do that because you are going to be with him-not them.

    This is a classic line: "These men [with their baggage and their game playing and their intoxicating brain twisters] all together scream “solve me, Alex! Fix me!”" I will be the fair one here and state that it is exactly the same way with women. It would be wise to remember this as you are going on to find a man. Speaking of games, the best game that is played is a fair one.

    If you do this, there is a great possibility that you will find the love you are looking for.

    If there is nothing else you have understood, understand this: Love is the only game that can never be won.

  3. Well Alex, that seems like you had a very weird experience you should never have again I hope. One of the things to remember about online dating is to keep an open mind as to what kind of men that are messaging you. Most probably, they are not excellent articulators in sending a message to you. Some are even very cocky with their approach and probably need someone to help them in their pursuit to love. I don't know if you watch Cougar Town on ABC, but they had a great Valentine's Day episode about the importance of love and what it can do to you and other people. This is how they explained it.

    1) If you dismiss someone's request, that dismissal will hurt them and they will hurt someone else.

    2) That someone else who received the dismissal will do it to another person and a cycle begins.

    It's important to spread positivity and not negativity whether you receive these kinds of messages. It also explains as to why men end up being real A*holes because they are severely hurt by other women. Men never really show their hurt in their heart because it would make them seem 'unmanly,' but Men do hurt more than women emotionally, but never show it. Please be aware of how men approach you during online dating.

  4. PS- It's ironic how you state that you're looking for a man when you seem to already be in a relationship? Please explain.

  5. Hello all. Thank you so much for your comments. I'm really very pleased that my blog is serving as a place to open up this dialog (especially in such a short amount of time!)

    I think online dating has remained somewhat in the closet, and we rarely get the chance to discuss how attraction and rejection translates in cyber space. I do have a biting humor and I sincerely apologize if it has stung any of you wonderful gentlemen.

    Positivity is something I truly strive for every day. Despite my quirky sarcasm, I want you to know that I view every profile of EVERY man who messages me. Sometimes I find something I connect with even if their introduction was odd or initially off-putting. In those cases, I continue the conversation :).

    I hope you'll remain a reader long enough to learn that I try never to judge a book before I've opened it. I'm also very against cruelty---and I would truly never intentionally hurt someone who expressed genuine, respectful interest.

    I think writing really helps a person to learn from their errors and evolve. So please keep your constructive criticism coming! Yes I'd like to find someone to love---but I also want to be worthy of it :).

  6. Oh and Johnny... my boyfriend on FB is gay :-P.

  7. Well Alex, thank you for clarifying the boyfriend on FB being gay. I would definitely caution that if a guy you're interested in decides to add you on FB, tell him that the guy listed as your boyfriend is really your best friend.

    I definitely admire your contributions to the quest of online dating. I would like to ask, what kind of online dating site are you using to find that special guy?

    If I might make a suggestion, definitely think outside the box as regard to this whole dating process. Instead of prescribing yourself to an online dating site, have you signed up to

    This website offers literally thousands of different activities that people can do in any place in NYC and in Westchester every single day. It's a free account and you can acknowledge different interests you have and you'll get e-mails about different things going on around you. Hundreds of singles attend these events and it's a great way to 'survey' what's out there. Check it out and let me know what you think of the site. :)

  8. Oh sissy...I'm so glad I got to skip GO and go directly to marriage. Dating seems like it would be too hard for me. YOU ARE AWESOME! GO TEAM ALEX! ^_^

    Your darling sister

    P.S.: Stay away from "Pit-bull boy" until he agrees to become "Yorkie boy".