Tuesday, February 22, 2011


Sad but true.  Tonight, I join the 20% of 20-something-singles who have been stood up for a date. 

The guy:  An outrageously tall Jewish man from New Jersey.  According to his profile, he works in technology and [ironically] “values personal integrity in a mate.”    

The Jewish Giant seemed very smart and very nice.  We exchanged e-mails for about a week and spoke over the phone once before planning our date.  He was to call after he got out of work this evening at which point, we would meet up for a meal here in Westchester County.  The proposed time was eight o’clock.

Well imagine my shock and dismay when after a late shower, detailed make-up application, skilled blow-out and painfully thoughtful clothing selection, my Jewish Giant had still not phoned. 

Of course, being the lady I am, I certainly was not going to call him.  So here I am, left to sort out my feelings on this odd, odd event. 

This is what I’ve come up with so far:

Was this ideal?  Definitely not.  But I’d be lying if I said I was completely broken up over this. 

Lest you think I’m a callused, unfeeling bitch, allow me to clarify. 

Had this happened in the conventional dating arena, I would probably be a weepy, ice-cream devouring mess.  In my head, I’d likely be in frantic search of my tragic flaw:  “Did I sound too desperate when I agreed to our date?”  “Was he turned off by my last text?” “Did I smell bad when we had coffee last week?” 

As you can see, in the field of rejection analysis---some women are unparalleled in the discipline of self-torture.  But the reality is---whether the ‘stander-upper’ is an ass-hole or simply an absent minded professor…he is probably just not for you. 

It’s as simple and impersonal as that. 

Online, this is a concept more easily grasped.  Tonight I was able to change into my sweat pants, turn on some jazz and revisit the Jewish Giant’s profile.  Sure, we had some things in common, but we hadn’t yet developed any chemistry to latch onto.  Thus---I was able to rationally put this in its proper place.  And my freshly stocked inbox didn’t hurt either (ten new messages… five of them interesting).

As empowering as this might have been, it was simultaneously frightening.  Is this technology allowing us to trade intimacy for indifference?  OR is this just a better way to screen the ‘stander-uppers’ from the studs? 

It’s a question I should probably keep in mind as I continue on this cyber-search for love.


  1. In my experience with online dating...for some reason.. I don't know why..but...people don't seem to take actual date appointments that seriously sometimes. I guess because they haven't actually met you yet, they don't feel as bad if they let you down??

  2. I hope you don't allow your Jentle Jewish Jiant to leave you Jaded. As you so perfectly stated, he's either an asshole or slimpy absent minded.
    The realm of "cyber-lovin" is a fickle bitch. I've dibbled and dabbled in it myself, with success and failure, and have come to realize, that nothing really beats the very first face-to-face interaction that you have with a potential suiter, whether it be randomly, at a coffee shop, grocery store, mall, or even local pub. Even though the latter of these is getting quite old and even more disappointing.
    I've found Internet dating's "appointment scheduling" takes away from the enticing mystery of it all, since you essentially get to preemptively study a person's Personality Resume. That process makes it seem like more of an interview, than an exciting outing with a stranger you may or may not bump ugly with.
    But that's just my opinion. I also have friends that have met online and are now happily married. So dont let my cynical rantings disuade you...you still have 11 months to go :)

  3. OK Alex. You need a dating coach. You only talked once on the phone before arranging a date? FAIL.

  4. I generally write the person for a week, and if I like them, we schedule a phone date. Once on the phone, if I am able to determine that

    A. This guy is who he says he is
    B. He's not a complete weirdo
    C. We have a decent conversational volley

    I book the date. We could go on endlessly with phone calls back and forth, but then we run the risk of not having much to say on the actual date.

    But thank you for the date coach recommendation. If you know of a good one, I'm all ears... lol.

  5. Who does that giant Jew think he is??? What you need is an intelligent Italian. ^_~

    I love you and this continues to be a great read. So: "Head up, back straight, eyes open, heart loud." You got this! The next time someone stands you up, refer them to your sister, the martial artist. :>

  6. Dealing with the ups and downs of dating, let alone internet dating can be a roller coaster. Even saying this my aunt and uncle actually met on the internet and from there they got married and have been for the past 5 years. Give or take. I personally know that I have met some of my best friends on the internet, via chatting or video games. As for your Jewish Giant, well I can say that you can cross him off your list. A man that can't pick up a phone means that he is inconsiderate, and will probably not help with any of the chores, so its better that you found this out now rather then later. I love your blog by the way, very Sex in the city style to it. Good luck in future en devours.

  7. 10 demerits for the Jewish Giant!! (It's a "shanda" -- Yiddish for "a shame". His Jewish mother would NOT be proud of him!!)